watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
