Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
