I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Randomize
