I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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