My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
