Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
