pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Randomize
