she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Randomize
