I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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