im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
