Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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