I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
