He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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