bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
