Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
