why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
