This is not my ceiling
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Randomize
