You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
