They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
