i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize