this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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