just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
