He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
