Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
