Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Randomize
