Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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