The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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