You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
