last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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