i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
