I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
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