i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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