smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Randomize
