Screwed.edu
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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