sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I look better un-naked...
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Randomize
