She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
