I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Randomize
