Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
