i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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