omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
