I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
