Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
