That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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