i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
