I just made out with a guy for $7.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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