It's Friday. Sex?
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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