yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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