nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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