i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
