i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
