Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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