Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
