yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize
