Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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