i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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