I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
