Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
