I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Randomize
