You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
false alarm, still single
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
