i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
