Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Randomize
