when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Randomize
