Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
