u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
