Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize