im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
