Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
