So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
