Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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