looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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