That's intense
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
